Just The Ticket
Legal Ways To Avoid Paying Parking Fines
I’m particularly pleased with this piece even though it’s dated in every respect. It was the first time I ever tried to get anything published and it was driven by financial desperation. We had two children under five and were weepingly short of money, all the time.
So I wrote this speculatively and sent it off to CAR magazine. They published it and sent me a cheque that paid for our holiday in the Lake District that year, hence the incongruous photograph below taken that year.
Let us be clear about this. If you are the person who parks a van on The Strand at 4.30 p.m. on a wet Wednesday afternoon in mid-December, you deserve every parking fine, wheel clamp and tow-away you get and more.
Our sympathy should be reserved for ordinary, working people who use a car in Central London to go about their business in a law-abiding, unobtrusive and peaceable fashion - not those who park anywhere, regardless of the danger and inconvenience they may cause.
London councils tend to portray car users as selfish pariahs who should be punished for being presumptuous in wishing to drive in the capital. The reality of the situation is few people, if any, take a car into the city for fun and only the need to earn a crust can entice most people to endure the intense irritation caused by traffic wardens, clamping teams and towing squads.
WHY DOES IT HAVE TO BE LIKE THIS?
The main reason is money. An occupied parking space in Central London is "rented" at the rate of £1 per thirty minutes. Annually, this equates to nearly £60.00 per square foot - comparable to the rate charged to rent a posh office block in the mid-eighties and enough to make a latter-day Rachman blush.
Unlike the office block, there is no uniformed commissionaire to protect the well-heeled occupants from vagrants, thieves or photocopier salesmen but another variant of pond-life wearing a uniform who, to complete the property analogy, is tasked with checking everyone has paid their "rent" and punishing those who appear to have not.
For instance, stay minutes longer than you have paid for and anything up to £40 is required for this privilege by way of what is accurately termed an Excess Charge Notice. Stay thirty minutes longer still and the bill could mount up to £56 once the Fixed Penalty Notice has been put under your windscreen wiper. At this point being clamped or towed away becomes a very real possibility and could inflate the bill to £136 - all for overstaying your meter by just over half an hour.
My local paper recently reported a case of a burglar who kicked down the door of somebody's home and removed the electrical goods and jewellery from inside. He was convicted and fined £25. If the punishment should fit the crime, is the absent-minded motorist who incurs £136 of parking fines five and a half times more menacing to society than the gentleman who kicks front doors down for a living? I think not.
"Ah yes" the progressive thinkers amongst us may say, "but the convicted housebreaker has a criminal record as a result of their actions".
If you do not pay your parking fine, you too may get a record in the form of a County Court Judgement. If you still cannot pay, you too may get your front door kicked down. In this instance, it may be a bailiff doing the kicking, legally empowered to do so in order to remove "goods and chattels", as the saying goes, to the value of your debt to society.
This is all rather silly bearing in mind you just want to park your car. The only conclusion I can come to is that if you have a car and take it in Central London, you are deemed by those who legislate on such matters to be wealthy beyond the dreams of avarice.
It is clearly wrong to break the law - no matter unjust the law may appear - and it is not the objective of this article to incite law-breaking on a mass scale in the manner of the Poll Tax riots and so on. However, parking fines are an expense that most of us would prefer to be without. If then, on matters of technicality, they can be avoided then most of us will do just this.
Look at it this way: nobody enjoys paying income tax and a whole industry has grown around helping people pay less tax or preferably nothing at all. If this is achieved by looking at the law as it stands and viewing it from such a perspective that tax appears not to be due, this is quite legal. This is called Tax Avoidance.
If the reluctant contributor to exchequer coffers avoids his payment through "being economical with the truth" as a certain Whitehall mandarin memorably put it, this is Tax Evasion. Tax Evasion is against the law and the penalties for transgressing this legislation can be Draconian.
The following pages give on Parking Fine Avoidance lest anybody, particularly in a white wig and ermine gown, suggests otherwise. For obvious reasons, I would strongly suggest that you do not invent circumstances to suit the avoidance strategies outlined. It may be difficult for a parking authority to prove that one's creative impulses were not, or had not been, tempered by reality but remember; the best stories are always true ones.
BASIC PRINCIPLES...
Never argue with Parking or Traffic Wardens. They are merely instruments of the process and are only obeying orders. Despite obvious comparisons that can be made with Nazi war criminals who also claim that they too were "only obeying orders", most Traffic Wardens are considerable less evil that your run-of-the-mill Gestapo officer.
Indeed, as they are harangued by motorists with such frequency, wardens are particularly susceptible to simple good manners (although care should be taken to not be obsequious as they tend to spot this a mile off). What is not widely known is that wardens have a space on their copy of the ticket they issue to record, verbatim, any conversation they have had with the driver of car they have just ticketed.
If it is later read out in court that you suggested the warden in question has oedipal tendencies or fixation on one of life's solitary pleasures, your chance of gaining empathy with the magistrate as you plead your case is seriously diminished. Instead, and if you feel you have a genuine grievance, explain your point to warden in measured, orderly tones and ask him/her to make a note of this on their record.
Remember that wardens hand out hundreds of tickets. If they are asked months later about what happened on a wet Monday in February, third meter from the end of the road that runs of Charlotte Street mid way down from New Cavendish Street, they tend to go back to the written record. Make sure then, that what this record says is favourable at best or neutral at worst.
Never give up. You may be a vastly overpaid, globe-trotting, trouble-shooting, high-priest of the corporate stratosphere. You may also consider that side-stepping parking fines is demeaning to your considerable financial standing and a waste of your time and talents.
On the other hand, you could be another victim of the Roaring Eighties, mired in personal debt and looking to save the odd fifty quid. Casual empiricism suggests more people fall into this latter category.
I estimate it takes about one hour of your time to write and contest a wrongly issued parking ticket. According to my calculations, unless you are member of the criminal classes (e.g. Plumber or Barrister) and earn more than fifty pounds an hour after tax, it is probably worth your while investing in some Basildon Bond, a copy of Roget's Thesaurus and fighting every wrongly issued parking ticket tooth and nail.
If you conclude you have the odd hour spare, remember that your local authority probably does not. They tend to be under-staffed, under-resourced and badly managed. This is a competitive advantage that can be exploited - they simply do not have the time to deal with smart arses like you.
THE EXCESS CHARGE…
You didn't want to stay as long as you have. It was only going to be a quick meeting. The person you are talking to is sharing with you his plans for a weekend of Morris Dancing and Bible Study. Glancing at your watch, you realise that your meter ran out two minutes ago. Eager to avoid offending Dancing Boy opposite, you idly remark how you consider Morris Dancing a sign of a repressed bestial instinct and expound the Marxian theory of organised religion as a conspiracy against the laity. You meeting ends somewhat abruptly.
As you approach your car, you see a yellow ticket fluttering in the late afternoon breeze.
"Bastards" you exclaim, "How can they do this to me?" For it is 6.25 PM on a Friday evening and every other meter in the street is vacant. You're extended occupancy of the space has inconvenienced no-one.
What can you do? Surely, you are bang to rights. Maybe? Maybe not.
Look at the time the ticket was issued and compare it to the expiry of time you have paid for. If it is within five minutes, write and question the issue of the ticket on the grounds the meter may not be functioning correctly.
The old style mechanical meters are woefully inaccurate and a reference in your letter to the accuracy of a quartz watch versus a knackered old meter may be enough to have the payment cancelled.
If this does not work and you receive a reply stating that the meter has been tested and no fault found. Ask the authority to send you a copy of the test report. Despite previous requests, I have never received such a report and the whole matter tends to be dropped at this juncture without any money changing hands. I can only conclude that the tests are not carried out in laboratory conditions (which would bear legal scrutiny) but rather by some bloke who has a quick look the meter, puts one coin in, concludes that it seems to be working OK. and slopes off, knuckles scraping along the ground......
The new digital parking meters pose new challenges. Like anything else that is computerised, they are binary. They either work or they do not and the chance of them being a couple of minutes out either way is remote.
They also have the infuriating habit of going wrong displaying a message indicating it is an offence to park your car.
So, what happens if you park on a meter that is NOT showing the "offence at out or order" notice, put your coin in and only then the fatal message appears? Surely, you should be able to park for time you have paid for irrespective of what the meter says. I think so. You probably think so and a timed and dated message in the windscreen can sometime help the warden to think in this manner too.
THE FIXED PENALTY…
Ever driven up the Tottenham Court Road and seen vans littering each side of the street while Wayne and Kevin (often ably assisted by Baz and Tel) unload huge boxes of Sony Trinitrons before buggering off for a cup of tea? Ever wondered why you don't see armies of traffic wardens slapping tickets all over these vans?
Apart from the obvious reason that traffic wardens do not relish exchanging points of view with simian van drivers, one reason they get away with it that they are perceived to be "only doing their job" - loading or unloading.
A single yellow line indicates that loading or unloading is condoned providing the activity is continuous. Legislation does not mention what is allowed to be unloaded or loaded. In my experience, business people deliver goods, samples, quotations, orders and so on to each other all the time and, this being the case, they should be afforded the same courtesy as van drivers.
While much hinges on the definition of continuous, I would contend that it is unreasonable to insist that any delivery to be conducted like a Mexican Wave just to satisfy the fine print of the local by-laws. A point I have made is that after you have unloaded goods and are awaiting for signature of a delivery note or similar, this constitutes a break in continuity of the operation. However, getting signatures on documents is a standard feature of commercial life and restrictions on parking should be flexible enough to cope with it.
Always leave a note in the windscreen explaining why your vehicle is parked and keep copies of other documentation (delivery notes, call-sheets and so on with the time and date on them) that may be useful in proving you had a valid reason for parking.
THE WHEEL CLAMP…
Most reasonable people can see what has happened; a luckless motorist has searched for what seems like hours to find a parking meter. Getting desperate, he looks for the least obtrusive place he can to park his car for a few minutes and finds a quiet mews or a side street.
Mindful of the inconvenience he may cause to local residents, he takes care to park without causing an obstruction. Satisfied that he has taken every consideration into account, he parks his car.....
The sinking feeling that envelops the driver who returns to find his car immobilised is one many of us are familiar with.
The look says it all:
"How can they do this to me?" It says.
"I wasn't doing anybody any harm" It says.
"Why?" It says.
Well, they do, they don't care and they can.
Aside from the totally negative nature of clamping and the appalling thoughts of some social misfit in ill-fitting blue overalls acting as prosecutor, judge and jury, consider the logic of following...
Clamping was introduced to Central London in 1983 to speed up the flow of traffic through the capital. The idea being the threat of the clamp is sufficient to deter parking on key routes in the capital.
If a parked car did cause an obstruction, the vehicle would be immobilised in the very spot that it is causing a nuisance, thus the "problem" would remain for anything up to four hours while the hapless driver paid his release fee and waited for his car to be release. Brilliant isn't it? No.
As it happens, the authorities generally don't bother clamping on major routes for precisely the reason that it slows down traffic. What happens instead is that clamping tends to be used in areas that suffer no congestion at all (mews, side-streets for example) begging the question: "Why bother clamping in the first place?"
The answer again is money. Indeed, clamping teams are sometimes in so much of hurry to inflict financial pain they do not comply with the technicalities of relevant regulations.
To be clamped, you must be suspected of committing an offence. These "offences" usually consist of parking on a restricted street (single or double yellow line) or overstaying a meter, after the "Excess" period has expired.
In either case, the Fixed Penalty Notice (FPN) should be issued BEFORE the clamp is affixed. Sometimes, so keen are the clampers to prevent you from moving your car before they do their worst, the FPN's are issued out AFTER the car has been clamped.
Always check to see that the time on the big yellow notice stuck on your windscreen is after the time on the parking ticket. If the clamp was applied before the ticket is issued, write and complain as clearly you have been punished before an "offence" had even been suspected. Ask for a refund of the clamp fee and reimbursement of other expenses you have incurred as a result of the clampers' recklessness. This might include (quite probably), the four-hour lunch at La Gavroche you were forced to savour while waiting for the de-clamping unit to arrive.
On one occasion, I received (albeit some months later) a cheque from the Secretary of State for Transport for £20. This was for my taxi ride home made necessary by the illegal actions of the clamping unit in question. Sweet justice.
THE TOW AWAY…
This is the big one. £85 for retrieving the car plus the other associated fines can be the best part of £150.
It may seem like a fait accompli. The car was parked illegally - it was removed - you must pay to get it back. The first question must be "Was it parked illegally?" Being a "reasonable" sort of person, you probably thought parking where you did was a "reasonable" thing to do.
To successfully contest any towing means you must not to part with any money at the time you go to collect your car. The only way I know of doing this is to demonstrate that you do not have the means to pay the removal fee at the time you collect the vehicle but you can pay within 7 days. In such circumstances, the car pound staff may let you take the vehicle.
Do not argue the merits of the whether the towing was legal with the people who collect the money. They tend to be totally disinterested and can smell a potential bad debt a mile off.
The important thing to remember is once they have your money, it is nigh on impossible to get it back.
Once mobile again, you can revisit the location and look for evidence that suggests there are "mitigating circumstances".
When you are able to survey "the scene of the crime" at your leisure, look for vandalised signs that once had "No Waiting" signs or similar attached, worn out yellow lines or any other indications of ambiguity concerning the parking restrictions you had allegedly transgressed. Photographs of the location in question have made a convincing case in the past.
Much of this is relevant to wrongful wheel clamping the only major difference being that people who collect the money for the removal of wheel clamp always want payment in advance. To counter this, one suggestion I have heard of (but not tested) is to pay clamp release fees by credit card and then withhold payment to the credit card company complaining that payment was extracted from you under duress and you are quite prepared to settle the bill once your questions on the incident have been satisfactorily explained. If anybody feels like trying this approach, good luck and please let me know the outcome.
Remember the double savings to be had here. Avoid the tow away fee (or clamp release fee) and the fixed penalties or excess charges are neatly avoided as well.
IF ALL THIS DOESN'T WORK…
Sometimes you have to pay. Despite your valid protestations, the cynical enforcers of parking law say "Enough is enough. No more correspondence will be entered into. Pay up or else"
Time to look at the two types of payment generally accepted by the issuer of the ticket; Cash or Cheque.
Never send cash. Always send your payment by cheque if only because a payment by cheque is traceable in the not-uncommon event of your payment not being matched against the fine. If this happens, you may be asked to pay a second time unless you can prove you have done so already.
Secondly, banking conventions allow the issuer of the cheque (you) to specify where and how the cheque may be presented.....
A friend who (used…) to work in the City related the following to me regarding the banking system of the African sub-continent. Despite the seemingly tenuous connection to the subject matter under discussion here, please read on as the African banking system has, among others, three important characteristics.
Firstly, it is somewhat less efficient than Western Europe (although customers of certain UK high street banks may find this difficult to believe).
Secondly, many African banks do not have ‘Correspondent’ banking facilities with UK banks. That is to say that a payment specified to be made through such an African bank cannot necessarily be effected through a UK bank unless the African bank has a Corespondent arrangement.
Thirdly, many of these banks have very few, if any, staff who speaks passable English.
The upshot of all this is that if you write on the crossing of your cheque "Payable only through Bank XXXX" and Bank XXXX conforms to the above criteria, one of the following four scenarios is likely to develop:
The payment takes months to be made and you hang on to your money for longer. In this instance, it could cost the authority more to collect your fine in administration than the value of the fine and the cynical amongst us may derive a perverse pleasure from this.
The payment never gets made at all because of the insurmountable geographic, language and cultural problems your simple (and not unreasonable) request has caused.
The cheque gets presented and paid through your UK bank. If this happens, ask your bank to refund the value of the cheque and suggest they reclaim it by way of the banking system as clearly the payment has been claimed and then made in error.
Your bank declines to do any further business with you plus one of the above. This being the case, it may be best to discuss this tactic with the custodian of your finances beforehand.
FINAL THOUGHTS...
This article was inspired by the famous Latin phrase: "Non Illegitimo Carborundum" - Don't let the bastards grind you down.
In my mind, there is no doubt that the motivation of London Borough Councils for imposing these ridiculous penalties has nothing to do with road safety, commercial efficiency or the environment. Instead, it is an easy-to-collect tax that is easy-to-impose on middle-income people who already carry a burden of taxation in excess of their ability to pay without feeling hardship.
However, It should be remembered that the forgoing are alast resort - tactics for resolving genuine grievances. The best policy is not to get caught in the first place by either by being very lucky or paying the exorbitant meter charges, assuming you can afford them.
In closing, remember that the most powerful weapon available to the plucky motorist is that he or she is the one who knows what REALLY happened and if you stick to your guns, your case is often very difficult to disprove.
To illustrate the point, I dedicate the following to a turbanned traffic warden who used to pound the EC1 beat. I was in the process of explaining to him how I had put my pound coin in the meter and no time has registered when he interrupted me;
"OK, OK" he said, shaking his head in disbelief (my colleagues had the same conversation with him on a daily basis) "I'll mark it Out Of Order and you can park here free for two hours"
I was about to walk away when he said:
"You think I know f*** nothing" he intoned, eyeing me suspiciously, "but" he added defiantly, "I know f*** all".